Parenting with Lorraine

Living Vicariously Through Your Children

DAY after day we wake up, go to the office and spend the day doing tasks that we really wouldn’t have chosen for ourselves. We can’t see ourselves changing our lives to make them more exciting in the workplace, though sometimes we try. We may even switch jobs, hoping to find something more satisfying. But that may not work either, and so we continue getting up morning after morning to face the day without any real expectations of satisfaction. We ask others for advice, trying to get ideas about how we can make our work more meaningful. But we never seem to find a satisfactory conclusion. This leaves us with a sinking, hopeless feeling when we think about the 30-plus years we have to work in a job that doesn’t fulfill us.

It's Not Fair

Parenting Oldest, Middle and Youngest Children

The challenge of communicating with and disciplining children is something all parents must address. It is important that parents be on the same page as their children, otherwise they could become confused. How we address children heavily depends on their age, their ability to understand language, and their order of birth.

Acting Appropriately

There are things our children do that are absolutely objectionable. They may be dangerous, disrespectful, or even illegal. Sometimes they do or say things that are objectionable, but are very cute, demonstrate high intelligence and/or express feelings that we share with them, but for any number of reasons we don’t want to share with the world.

A 30-year veteran Marriage Family and Child therapist, mother of five, and grandmother of 10, Lorraine Al-Jamie helps parents to acquire skills that enhance their ability to raise high-functioning and happy children.

Establishing Relationships

THE building of relationships depends on building common interests. This process begins at birth, and you can observe it when mothers and fathers hold their newborns and echo the sounds that their newborns make. For their parents, everything young babies do is fascinating and this makes the task easier. Whether it is just seeing them yawn for the first time, or their first sneeze, each new thing provides a new shared experience. However, as they get older they sometimes become interested in things that are meaningless to us: for instance, mom will have little interest in the toy truck her little boy is pushing around. However, at that age the mother is still captivated by the child’s enjoyment and, therefore, remains present and sometimes involved. But I think we have all experienced a situation in which we, lost in our own thoughts, have struggled to pay attention to our child while he tugs our clothes saying, “Mommy” or “Daddy.” However, if we do make the effort to engage with our children, there is much satisfaction to be had in the interaction.

Time-Outs

Parents have long used “time-outs” as a technique to stop unacceptable behavior; however, time-outs are not just an effective punishment. They also give children an opportunity to calm down and gain self-control.

タイムアウト(今いる場所から強制的に退去させ、別の場所で一定 時間過ごさせること)」は、子供の容認できない行動をやめさせる ために以前から用いられている手法です。単なる“お仕置き”で はなく、気持ちを落ち着かせ自制心を養うチャンスを子供に与えるという 効果があります。

What is the most beneficial way to reward your children?

Buy them a new toy? Allow them to stay up later? Let them watch a special TV show?

These may or may not have positive effects, but none of them can compare with the undivided attention of a parent.

Older children may deny that they require attention from their parents; however, it is possible to see the impact extra attention can have. With younger children, the results are often visible straight away. They respond with smiles and can be encouraged to try new things. Eventually you may notice an increase in your child’s self-esteem as they grow older.

充実の時

子供にとって一番

励みになるのは何だと思います

新しいおもちゃを買ってあげる?遅くまで起きていること を認める?特別なテレビ番組を見させてあげる?

こうしたインセンティブが効果的かどうかはさておき、い ずれも親が子供にしっかり目を向けることとは比べようも ありません。

子 供は大きくなると、親が自分に注目することを拒むかも しれません。しかし、親の注目は必ず効果をもたらします。 子供が小さければ、その結果はストレートに現れます。子 供は笑顔を見せ、新しいことに挑戦しようとするでしょう。 子供が大きくなれば、子供の自尊心の高まりが感じられる かもしれません。

A SUBJECT that unfortunately is on our minds today is bullying. Some children’s lives become a living hell because they’ve become the targets of a bully or several bullies. Death is the outcome in extreme cases. It is not unknown for a victim to commit suicide to escape from bullying. It appears to me that the attack on this outrage must be two pronged. We must help the victim and protect him physically and psychologically. And we must realize that the bully also desperately needs our help.

じめ”が深刻な社会問題となっています。いじめの標的となり、生き地獄の日々に耐えている子供がいます。死に至る場合さえあります。いじめを受 けている子供が地獄から逃れるために自殺 するのです。これについては2つのことを考えなければな らないと思います。いじめを受けている子供を助け、心身 ともに守ると同時に、いじめる側も助けを必要としている ことを理解する必要があります。

A 30-year veteran Marriage Family and Child therapist, mother of five, and grandmother of 10, Lorraine Al-Jamie helps parents to acquire skills that enhance their ability to raise high-functioning and happy children.

The Terrible Twos and Adolescence

Although the terrible twos and adolescence seem far apart, they have much in common. Both are times when children feel a great need for autonomy. Since parents are well aware that children still need us to guide them, we cannot just throw our hands up and give them the freedom they want even though at times we may all be tempted to do so.

30-year veteran Marriage Family and Child Therapist and mother of 5 assists parents in acquiring skills that enhance their ability to raise high-functioning and happy children.

Respect

What outcome are we aiming for?

It is almost universally agreed that the most important job in the world is raising a child, and yet, it is often something we undertake without any preparation. Generally, we parent as we were parented and sometimes this leads to a positive outcome. However, we are not always clear about what outcome we are aiming for.

Blind obedience?

Do we want our children to be blindly obedient? In some cases, “yes.” For example when we shout “STOP” when our child is about to step into oncoming traffic without looking. But how about when we call them to come to us when they are in the middle of some task that is important to them? Are we willing to hear “just a minute, I’m playing a video game.” For some, that is a natural and acceptable response. For others it may feel like defiance. What makes for that difference in our reaction? Generally, it is in the tone of the relationship we have developed with that child.